Give and Bear It

Submitted by Katie Schlieper on Fri, 01/18/2008 - 12:56pm.

You think you have trouble getting Congress to pay attention to your problems? Try being a polar bear. Yeah, polar bears are cute and if a bear has the good fortune to be born in a Berlin zoo lots of teenage girls will line up to take his picture and purchase t-shirts bearing his likeness but for the average bear hunting seals in Alaska, the outlook is grim. And his congressional representation isn’t helping.

Subprime lending may have caused humans a few problems, but thanks to global warming polar bears have their homes literally melting around them. Sure we’ve got foreclosures on every block but we’ve only taken a bath metaphorically. A polar bear can’t go get breakfast without taking his life into his paws.

As if that wasn’t bad enough for the bears their Senator, Ted Stevens of Alaska, is not very fond them. I know, I know, he hasn’t even met them! If he had I’m sure they’d get along great but unless they’re carrying checks for $2,300 in their paws I don’t see that meeting happening.

And if it did, there would be some awkward pauses. Because he’s trying to kill them.

Stevens is actively opposing the listing of polar bears as an endangered species, because he thinks it’ll impact drilling for oil on Alaska’s North Slope and put new restrictions on development that might harm the polar bear habitat. Despite vocal protests from environmental protection groups and experts on endangered species protection (bears: be sure and send them a thank you note) he’s convinced that the pursuit of oil is more important than saving the habitat of the dwindling bears. And if you think that decision has nothing to do with the money the oil companies have poured in his campaigns for re-election over the years, then I’ve got a snow cave in Florida to sell you.

Since 1989, Senator Stevens has received over $400,000 in campaign contributions from the oil and gas industry – part of the over $200 million the industry has given to Congress in that time period, in addition to the over $500 million they’ve spent on additional lobbying—according to the Center for Responsive Politics.

The Center reports no donations from polar bears themselves.

Bears, it’s time to take it up a notch. Until we pass the Fair Elections Now Act in Congress and cut the cord between special interest money and our candidates for elected office, money is the only way to get your voice (err, growl) heard. Unfortunately for you, your allies at places like the Natural Resources Defense Council, Sierra Club, and World Wildlife Fund aren’t wealthy enough to compete with Shell, Chevron, and BP in the campaign money game. It falls to you to raise the money you need to get Senator Stevens’ attention and save your homes, and your fellow polar bears, from further harm.

Cough it Up: Give for habitat protection!

You’ve got to get your paws on some cash to donate to Stevens and hire a few lobbyists. Sell seal meat at an ice-side stall. Teach tourists to ice skate. Recreate that little dancing number from the Coca Cola commercials and sell tickets. I’m sure you’ll find a way to raise the money. After all, your very survival depends on it.

Oh, and bears? Failing an aggressive donation and lobbying strategy, if I were you I’d start looking for new housing options. Perhaps Senator Stevens has room for you in the backyard of his Girdwood, Alaska home – recently renovated with the assistance of Veco Corp., a company that provides services to oil companies in Alaska.

Katie Schlieper's blog | printer friendly version | 3276 reads

14 comments

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Submitted by sohbet (not verified) on Tue, 10/28/2008 - 9:19am.

Where does the money come from?

It doesn't matter what side of the fence we are on, we all are going to have to deal with our gigantic debt. We need to stop going further in debt because there will be a day of reckoning and then the oil companies, the tree huggers, the housewives and our children and everyone will be living in a truly different world. Freedom will surly be stolen from us and we will be slaves to something we never imagined.
Maybe it is time to get on our knees.

Mark

Submitted by Mark Scott (not verified) on Mon, 06/30/2008 - 8:29pm.

Clean Elections and Polar Bear Habitat

Sen. Ted Stevens (of "Bridge to Nowhere" fame) is the most infamous face in the U.S. Senate; he cannot be separated from that august body one moment too soon! His antipathy toward polar bears is certainly explained by the fact that they neither have nor control vast quantities of cash. They cannot send it to him!
Those of us who appreciate wildlife on its own terms must come up with money to defend auch creatures and their homes (environments) -- but the real solution in the long run is Clean Elections laws everywhere so that the days of such dirty and unscrupulous politicians as Ted Stevens will be over!

Submitted by Marlene Ellsworth (not verified) on Thu, 01/31/2008 - 10:30pm.

Mr. Stevens has been

Mr. Stevens has been chomping at the bit for over 20 years to get the powers that are in power in power. Relieving the environmentalists of their influence only increases his power and stature within the Capitalist Run For the Money. If the polar bears win, Senator Stevens is for naught.

Submitted by Clean Elections Friend (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2008 - 10:14pm.

Ted Stevens

I would be more than happy to give the first $1,000 donation to open a fund to hire a hitperson to chase down Ted Stevens from a helicopter and shoot him when he finally tires out, like they are doing to the wolves in Alaska. That old, white, decrepit bully has been in office far too long sucking off the public trough and hurting Alaska and its wildlife. Stevens HAS TO GO!

Submitted by Van King (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2008 - 5:57pm.

Polar Bears vs. Senator Stevens

In the immortal words of science fiction writer Robert Heinlein: "People laugh because they hurt."
Political greed and short-sighted oil grubbing seems to knock out Ma Nature and her creatures' needs entirely too often.
I sincerely hope that the honorable senator (without benefit of firearms protection, of course--we must keep a level playing field!) does actually meet a starving polar bear who's just lost her cubs.
Thanks for the wry humor in the face of a really dire situation.

Submitted by Clean Elections Friend (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2008 - 2:57pm.

But just wait for the last

But just wait for the last days of Bush when they open the whole habitat up for the oil grubbers. Take my word for it, it's coming.

Submitted by Clean Elections Friend (not verified) on Fri, 01/25/2008 - 5:11pm.